Title: Fake Hipsters (3/?)
Author: sekrit_omg
Rating: This chapter, PG13
Pairing: S/K; others
Summary: You can take Stan out of South Park, but you can't take the South Park out of Stan.
Note: moondarri has been beta-reading this, and I am very grateful.

( One hour after the first guest (Clyde, like it mattered) arrived, Stan was well on his way to his ultimate goal of being massively fucked-up. )

Memo to the entire world, or perhaps just the South Park fandom: Everyone, please stop requesting/writing fics in which someone passes out and someone else is there and the first person has a sexy dream about the second person and starts moaning his name and whatever. This idea isn't good enough to warrant really more than one example, yet I feel like I'm wading through so many of these I have to wear clam diggers. Thank you, everyone, for complying.

I'm sorry, I just need to get this off of my chest before I move on to formatting this thing for FF.net.

I am very close to just saying 'fuck it' and never posting another fic on LiveJournal again. I know it doesn't seem like that big a deal, but making five separate posts and formating all of them for this site is fucking absurd. This chapter I just posted isn't even all that long; it's only about 16,000 words. I see no reason why I shouldn't be able to get that into one post, or at least two. But five?

So I am seriously asking this, and I really hope you guys will respond: If I only linked to larger stories posted on FF.net in my LiveJournal, would you still read them? And, also important although not as much, would that keep you from commenting? The reason I started double-posting is that I thought only doing it on FanFiction.net would exclude LJ people, and vice versa.

It's just driving me crazy, is all. Posting a story shouldn't take two hours.

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Title: The Rectum is a Tomb
Author: sekrit_omg
Rating: R, this chapter
Pairings: S/K primarily; others
Summary: A 1980s British historical AU in which Stan meets a prostitute and sighs a lot.
Author's Note: a) Hollinghurst homage. b) imaginaaation gets all the props in the world for her amazing beta reading, especially considering I begged her to read a second draft of this for me immediately so I could post it last week, and then balled it. c) I'm not British. d) I am thinking this will be 10 chapters, but let's not hold me to that.





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I rarely do this, but I'm not ever finished reading this story and I have to rec it. It just has that certain, um ... here's an excerpt:

Stan introduces two new songs, “I’m Not In Love With Him, But He’ll Do Until You Get a Clue” and, “You’re Not Straight, You Just Haven’t Let Me Suck Your Dick Yet.”

“We have officially become the faggiest band on earth.” Cartman groans as he watches Stan and Butters go over the music while Butters flat irons his hair.

“Faggier than Panic! At the Disco getting fucked by all of Warped tour... all of Warped tour for the past five years.” Kenny groans.

“Dude, Butters is the lead singer, what did you expect? Be glad he doesn’t just suck Stan off for the closing number.” Kyle doesn’t look up from his iPod.

Kenny and Cartman just glare Kyle.

Okay, I'm doing it.

It's really scary, though.

Comment here anonymously, please.

Wait, here's the official link:

THE ANONYMOUS WRITING FEEDBACK MEME

ETA for the eighth time: What an obnoxious link.

Title: Fake Hipsters (2/?)
Author: sekrit_omg
Rating: R
Pairing: S/K; others
Summary:  You can take Stan out of South Park, but you can't take the South Park out of Stan.
Note: Thanks to moondarri for her help beta reading this! 

No, in fact, I believe you may be the only person who ships that. Thanks for playing.

Sooooo, the deal with this is that I have been writing it for like a year, and I don't really know if it's good or if I shouldn't just quit, but I actually think the later chapters are somewhat better, if you don't quit the fandom by the time I actually get there. And by you I mean you, the South Park gay porn reader. And no one gives a shit about anything I write, really, so I might as well post this while I'm bored and putting off doing my homework.

It's kind of an experiment in writing a fic not comprised of 15,000-word chapters.

Anyway, buckle in, because it's time for:

Title: Fake Hipsters (1/?)
Author: sekrit_omg 
Rating: R
Pairing: S/K; others are a surprise
Summary:  You can take Stan out of South Park, but you can't take the South Park out of Stan.

God, Orson and Bree are really becoming the Randy and Butters of Desperate Housewives. -- imaginaaation

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Title: The Other Table (8/10)
Author: sekrit_omg
Pairing: Stan/Kyle; various
Rating: R
Summary: It's human nature to want to know everything about others, and nothing about ourselves.
Author's note: Happy fucking Valentine's fucking Day, yo. It also happens to have been, like, a year since I started this. I am really hoping with all my heart that it's not another year before it's finished. I mean, that would sure suck.




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Even more here.

Title: The Rectum is a Tomb
Author: sekrit_omg
Rating: NC17, probably
Pairings: All of them. ... S/K primarily.
Summary: After that summer came the flood.
Author's Note: The style of this story is an homage to Alan Hollinghurst. I absolutely would not be posting it without imaginaaation's input. (Or maybe I would, but it would suck.) I'm not British. I am so open to feedback from actual, live British people, though.



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Word.

I'd buy this, but I know I'll never wear it.